But I Don’t Wanna Share…

Sharing is caring. We all know that. On the other side of the coin we are also told that boundaries are important. Great, another aspect in our life to find balance…

I recently “fired” myself from dating. As in, I took myself off the market even though a significant other is still absent from my life. Without over sharing, I had a short relationship that ended due to the fact that my boundaries were not respected. I’m a big believer that without respect and trust, a potential relationship is doomed.

There will always be people who come along who try to push the boundaries that you have set in the best interest of you and your family. When they do, it is important to stand firm. From past experiences, I can tell you that when you bend your reasonable boundaries; the ones you know in your heart to be right for wherever you are in life in that moment, it will be a slippery slope to climb back up.

I had an epiphany the other night. I just had a blast during bath time and a dance party with my toddler. We read her bed time story, I quoted her dedication scripture, and then lots of “Muah, Muah, Muah” sounds were exchanged as I said good night.

I climbed into bed and was immediately locked in with a beagle puppy on each side of me. I was giving thanks to my Lord for the blessings and the trials in my life before I closed my eyes. Then it hit me… “I do not want to share this moment with anyone.”

My first thought was, “Oh crap, now I’ve become bitter.” My second, “I don’t feel bitter though.” As I continued to analyze this thought I realized that most of my adult life I have been a serial monogamist. Always needing to concede and compromise with another human being.

I realized that at this juncture in my life, I am not in a place where I am ready to share my life with someone. I am enjoying this solo journey with my human and canine babies, and that is O.K.

I enjoy going at my own pace, and defining my own life without juggling a significant other. I don’t want anyone to tell me that it is unhygienic to have dogs in the bed, because to me, their little snores and warmth are a huge comfort.

I enjoy dancing around the house with my daughter with only the sounds of our giggles.

I enjoy figuring out life without someone else around telling me how I should do things differently, good intentions or not.

Bitter? Definitely not.

Happy, in spite of the challenges of solo mommyhood? Absolutely!

I’m sure there will come a day when I feel I am in a place to share my life with another adult. However, there is a peace that comes with knowing I am exactly where I need to be, and surrounded by the right people for this season.

I love the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Her naysayers slam her book calling it irrelevant to the masses, since most of us can’t afford to take nine months off to travel around the world to find themselves.

I read the book, and even though I couldn’t afford to duplicate her trip, I will be forever grateful that she took me along through her words.

In her book she made a promise to herself. She said, “never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.”

This is the place I find myself. As I figure out the landscape of raising my nearly two-year old daughter, I realize that this is a time to be a little selfish, and find my own path. Not only for my sake, but for the sake of my daughter.

So, I don’t want to share my life with anyone right now, and I’m not sorry I’m not sorry.  I’ve come to realize this is all 100% A-OK!

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